Personal statement

I just showed my personal statement to my dad. He says there's no passion, no structure, too mechanical. It doesn't even sound like a personal statement.

Great... I suck at writing. And now I have to write about myself. Whenever I think about writing, my brain goes blank. It seems as if my life was blank.

In my personal statement, I'm supposed to include the following points:

1. Desire, reasons and motivation to study in university.

2. Personal academic interests.

3. Other than academic interests.

4. What I would like to do in the future.

But with passion, flare. This is supposed to be easy, but somehow I'm stuck.

What I have to say (in my head) about the above points:

1. As I said, I want to change. And university could be my turning point. Right now I am a boring person, am bored, with not much friends, with no passion in anything. Besides academic learning, I would like to feel that life is worth living, that life is not just another day, another day to suffer. I want to feel active, not passive. I want to know how to take care of myself, healthily. I want to feel confident in myself.

Ok, I'm so NOT going to write that in my personal statement. They don't want to accept a hopeless candaditate with absolutely no motivation. In fact, I do have some motivation. Motivation to get into university is what got me to work hard for my grades, my examinations. Only the students with the best results could get in - that's the rule of thumb. So obviously, the university is a place for intellectual stimulation, for those who wants to learn, to aim high.

Only university can provide me this. University have smart people that could influence you, is a meeting place for intellectuals, top students, motivated and focussed and serious people. Obviously, this experience - stimulation of the mind, inspiration, inclusion - could not found easily from just reading books.

But why do I want to study chemistry? And say not physics, maths, or english? Ok english is out of the question. First of all, it's very difficult to state a reason. But I think I'm hard-working, motivated and focussed enough to persue such a course...

2.

I hate change!

I like structure. I hate changes, uncertainty, surprises. In fact, I'm afraid of change.

Structure gives me security. My home gives me security. My room gives me security. I feel safe, comfortable here. Not at school, shopping malls, restaurants, not even Disneyland.

Is this weird?

Perhaps that's why I chose science instead of English. Geography instead of history. At least the changes are structured.

When change occurs, I try to hide from it.

Seriously, I think I hit the rock-bottom of my life, when I should be having the time of my life.

I am hoping living in a new place would improve my situation. It couldn't get any worse than this.